My real name

Four years ago an emergency room doctor told me it might be Leukemia. It wasn’t. It did change my life. It is Lupus. It will always be there. It made me live life with the spirit of an old man. I mulled over philosophical questions of what it means to live with disease. I stopped taking risks. I started going to bed early and getting up early. I passed up opportunities. It doesn’t define me. Deep struggles have given me peace with myself and my Creator. I struggle to define how much control it has. I no longer challenge myself with physical exertion but must challenge my intellect. I must challenge my understanding of Christianity to continue to grow. I struggle to find the balance of fear of what could be and the need to challenge and explore. It taught me empathy. It taught me patience & made me impatient. It is the most difficult thing I have faced but probably not the most difficult thing I will ever face. It has been four years